I’m a certified dog trainer who behaviorally euthanized my dog and these are the lessons that he taught me.
Four years ago I made one of the most painful decisions of my life. I chose behavioral euthanasia for my soul dog, Gus.
I have experienced a lot of loss in my life and I never expected to lose one of my dogs for behavioral reasons. When I made the decision to behaviorally euthanize Gus I truly couldn’t believe what was happening. I wasn’t that person. Or so I thought I wasn’t, until I opened my home to him. The dog who made me grow, learn, and make tough decisions.
Before Gus I judged others who made this decision. I wanted to fight for their dogs, I wanted to save them, give them a second chance. For Gus, I was that second chance and I gave him a great last year of life while simultaneously learning that living with an unpredictable and dangerous dog is terrifying. It takes a toll on you mentally and physically. I wanted to give this dog the world. I wanted him to know that he was safe and didn’t need to fight. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t okay.
And it would’ve been easier if the illness was physical. But it wasn’t. It was mental and something really just wasn’t right in his brain. And I don’t blame him for that nor do I blame myself. Gus taught me that they can’t all be saved no matter how much you wish they could.
If you’ve had to make this decision as well, I’m so sorry. I know the pain you carry and while we grow and it feels lighter as time goes on, it never truly goes away. I see you.
Living with Gus was like walking on eggshells.
Every decision we made revolved around managing his behavior to keep everyone safe.
It got to the point where my partner and I had both our lives micromanaged to a degree that was exhausting for all of us. And this hurt me because I thought that giving Gus a life that was fulfilling and met his needs would make him better. Kind of the same way I was with my mom so maybe there’s a bit of a pattern here but I’ll save that for my therapist.
But sharing my life with Gus did teach me some valuable lessons that I want to share with you.
Behavioral euthanasia is not a failure nor is it “giving up.”
This is a thought I had before making the decision to behaviorally euthanize Gus. If I choose this then that means I failed him... will other people think I’m just giving up?? No, quite the opposite.
It’s recognizing that your dog is suffering no matter what and selflessly letting them go so they no longer have to suffer.
Behaviorally challenging dogs affect everyone in the household.
Everyone.
My anxiety sky rocketed and I was losing my hair, my appetite, and my ability to sleep. My cat stopped sleeping on the couch. My dog, Goose, stopped playing with toys. And my husband was always on high alert.
Rehoming isn’t always an option for some dogs.
I was asked if I would rehome Gus and my immediate reaction was no.
I saw how long it took for him to adjust to being in a new house. I saw him charge at people he didn’t know. I saw him attempt to attack my husband and then I saw him attempt to attack me. Rehoming him would have been unethical and would have put someone else in danger.
There can still be good moments!
Gus had a lot of amazing wins.
He learned to nap in my office and enjoy car rides. He played in creeks and offered check ins on walks. He learned to let me put a harness on him and loose leash walking was a breeze. He even was muzzle trained pretty quickly. And he gained 20 much needed pounds and his pee stained fur became beautifully white and incredibly soft.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t put a timeline on grief.
I sure as heck wanted to...
And honestly, I don’t think I will ever fully recover from the loss of Gus. He touched my soul in a way no dog ever has. I built up his trust over 3 years and became his person. I was his safe space and I will be grieving his ending until the day I leave this earth.
And the most important lesson...
Not every dog can be “fixed.”
Although many dog professionals still believe that they can be and I used to be one of those. Some dogs face challenges that go beyond training, management, or medication. Gus taught me that not every struggle has a solution. And no, using aversive tools like an e-collar wouldn’t have fixed him. It would have made life with him more dangerous and it is simply cruel to subject any animal to that kind of treatment.
Some dogs just aren’t okay and that’s okay.
A reminder...
There are things worse than death.
If you have had to make the painful choice to behaviorally euthanize your dog, I see you and you are not alone.
And if you have never gone through that experience and are judging others that make that choice, you can kindly f*ck off.
P.S. Did you benefit from this article and want to learn more?
Check out this blog post all about Gus’ story: The Story of Gus: Why I chose behavioral euthanasia for my soul dog.
